Happy Thanksgiving! A Prayer for the Thanksgiving Goddess

(Thanksgivings past and present)

I pray the turkey be defrosted but still a tad icy inside. 

Harbor me from an over bearing mother, grandmother or aunt who thinks a turkey not slaughtered on thanksgiving mourning is a waste or scorns a bird that has been frozen.

Please may my husband understand the fowl that has lived in the refrigerator for five days, the one I have fondled and agonized over takes great care as if it were my child. 

It does not stuff and roast itself.

Grant me one friend who understands about Turkey cooking and pop up timers and thermometers that go into the turkey at the temperature it is supposed to come out. The one I can whine to.

May there be no dog hair or any hair in any dish and let all food be hot or at least warm or cold where appropriate.  May the cream not go flat.

Let the guests arrive fashionably late but not too late and never early(unless for support). 

May the turkey be ready according to schedule and please tell me when that should be.

Grant me the wisdom to know when the roasting is done but not overdone.

Oh god of turkeys please do not allow salmonella to enter this home.  And if it does give my guest the grace to not tell me about it.

May the bird be not dry or too moist or…. pink inside.

Please keep the dog out of the kitchen, the cat out of the dining room and above all let it not piss on the table.  Save the snake for desert entertainment.

Grant me the strength to stay from the bottle…at least until an hour before guests arrive.

Let the rolls not be burned and no side dish forgotten alone in the back of the oven, refrigerator or freezer.

Oh please let the gravy be smooth and the potatoes not lumpy.

Let the table be bountifully filled to creaking but let it not break down the middle, flooding gravy and sauces to the floor.

Grant me the wisdom to not over eat because I have tasted and tested every dish to the maximum calorie intake already.

Give me the strength to exercise it off on the morrow.

Give me the wisdom to let go of anxiety and worldly care and be thankful and enjoy this day, this hour, these friends and family far and near. 

Grant me a moment to acknowledge my limits and yet know how lucky I am to have the bounty and ability to prepare this dinner.  Let me be thankful for all life’s harvests including the lessons learned and yet to learn about cooking turkey.